posttraumatickolya:

survivors of abuse have limits that can change very frequently. sometimes we’re less sensitive to triggers, while other times we’re more sensitive. 
i want to remind all of you: just because you’re feeling more sensitive today or any other day doesn’t mean you’re weak.
it doesn’t mean you’re no longer making progress. it means that today your limits are just a little bit lower than usual. 
if you panic about something that normally wouldn’t bother you at all, you’re not weak.
there are ups and downs in recovery, good days and bad days. 
you aren’t weak. you’ve made it this far, and just for that, you are so strong.
i’m proud of you.

angelbabyspice:

just because you fed your kid and put a roof over their head doesn’t mean you succeeded as a parent lmao if your child cannot navigate adult life in a healthy way you have failed. if your child has such deep self worth issues thanks to decades of you only focusing on what they were doing wrong, you failed. if you tell your child that having money is more important than happiness and doing what you want in life, you’re a fucking failure.

(via )

devotiontoself:

Ask yourself why you do what you do. Why do you react that way…? Why do you withdraw or want to fight or throw yourself into anything else when faced with stress? Why do you feel the desire to fall back on behaviors & patterns you want to move from when you’re met with a certain situation? You can identify the root, but then you have to pull it. You can get caught up in trying to identify and find the source of your suffering and think when you’ve found it you’re done. Once you find the source & put your attention on it, it begins to dissipate. When you sit with it and work to understand what it’s trying to teach you it dissolves even more. This isn’t a one time process, you can return again and again to the same root source before it’s been dissolved and released. So be patient but continue to examine your actions & speech for self-understanding.

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traumaeyed:

This list includes signs I exhibited while being abused and afterwards, as well as signs I’ve seen other abused youth display, all of which are less commonly recognized for what they are: red flags in disguise. 

• Being described as a “perfectionist” or having an extremely competitive attitude to the point of experiencing breakdowns if you are not “the best”
• Developing a habit of locking the door to every room you enter, especially when at friends’ houses or your own home, or other places you would be expected to feel safe and welcome at
• Excessive daydreaming or fantasizing which may be accompanied by restlessness, pacing, or listening to music, and will often last for hours at a time, and may interfere with daily functioning
• Experiencing an inability to relate to your peers which may lead to you creating pseudo relationships or obsessions with fictional characters to replace your lack of social interaction
  
• Refusing to look at yourself in mirrors in public, especially when buying new clothes or going into fitting rooms
• Showering in the dark because you are ashamed of your body
• Experiencing intense feelings of guilt when someone does something nice for you
• Hyperfixation on a hobby such as drawing or writing, which is often used as an outlet and a way to escape the abuse
• Purposely making yourself appear unattractive 
• Being known as the shy or obedient child who never acts out
• Possessing an unnatural amount of maturity for your age which many adults may have praised you for
• Not knowing how to live, having an “I can survive with the bare minimums” mentality
• Hoarding food or other objects in your room such as toiletries so you do not have to leave your room. This may be as severe as going to the bathroom in bottles or cans, or having months worth of dishes piled up around your room 
• Having an anxiety attack if you’re woken up abruptly or if you wake up to loud noises in your house
• Never experiencing sexual interest in others, never going through a “boy phase” or a “girl phase”; alternatively, being hypersexual 
• Intrusive violent thoughts about small animals or children
• Having no sense of belonging since you were a toddler, never feeling connected to your childhood town or house, and feeling alienated among your family members

Feel free to add more to this list. If you or someone else has experienced at least half of these signs, it’s very likely you or them has been through some form of abuse.

naramdil:

you have this idea in your head that the only time you’re worthy of being loved is when you’re at your best. you’re still worthy of being loved when you’re at your lowest. you’re still worthy of being loved when you don’t want to go on anymore. you are still worthy of being loved even when you don’t love yourself. you are a human and therefore always worthy of being loved and don’t you fool yourself into thinking otherwise. 

chinaglaze:

something my therapist has me thinking about a lot is the idea of blindspots. the idea that people around us are bound not to witness everything we experience. people around you will not notice all of your feelings, they won’t be able to read your thoughts. failing to acknowledge people’s blindspots can result in warped, black and white thinking. that person you despise is not a villain, not your antagonist. they are the protagonist in their own life just as you are. they have flaws, weaknesses, and blindspots. just like you have.

(via lazebian)

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

it is not your fault that someone abuses you. it is their fault that they react that way in the first place. the issue is not with YOUR behavior, it is theirs.

“if I just did x-” then what? they wouldn’t have any of those connections in their brain that allows them to remove your humanity to treat you that way? that if you measured up they would stop abusing you? they’re the ones who react the way they do. they’re the ones who have deemed treating you with decency negotiable. normal people don’t do that. normal people don’t react that way. you are not at fault or on the hook to act a certain way to be treated with decency, it is a right that you shouldn’t have to earn.

(via voidcoyote23)

pippistudies:

can we stop romanticising pushing ourselves to the limit cause I want to stop feeling like I have to not sleep and not eat to be truly productive. pls and thank u

(via faerae)

recoversuggestions:

growth isn’t always constant. relapses happen. it doesn’t erase all your success.

(via faerae)

heavyweightheart:

and i’ve mentioned this before but the common conception that ppl who constantly suffer become desensitized to suffering is perfectly wrong. ppl who experience repeated psychological and physiological stressors, esp in childhood, actually become more responsive to stress, w stress response systems in the brain & body getting increasingly sensitive to stimuli and having more prolonged/exaggerated reactions  

what doesn’t kill you does not make you stronger, it makes you sicker and less able to cope biologically and emotionally w additional hardship

(via closet-keys)

Anonymous asked: A note for your followers-- PTSD can also cause eating disorder type symptoms and behaviors without the body image issues usually associated, including compulsive fasting (because it can set off the dissociation or be the extra push it needs for MORE CORTISOL! when your Danger Sense is going off but your body's been pumping it so long that it's not feeling it anymore) and vomiting (b/c your digestive system is shut down and the oversensitivity to danger may make it false-flag foods as poison).

hollowedskin:

Thank you for that excellent information

mooncryptid:

thatdirtyallogay:

aphobio:

dreamydiscourse:

aphobio:

thatdirtyallogay:

its actually very common for people with bpd to mistake themselves for systems because of the whole “not having a personality” thing so like. if u dont have blank periods in your memory, if youre not struggling to stay fronting in stressful situations, and if you dont have childhood trauma, then you arent a system

it’s actually very common for people with borderline to mistake themselves as someone with borderline

what does this even mean?

teenagers self-diagnosing personality disorders is unreliable, dangerous and stupid

how is it dangerous lol if i hadnt self dxed my therapist would still be trying to figure me out

op doesn’t even directly support self-dx in the post? he’s literally telling borderline people to NOT diagnose did with a single symptom and gives people a brief (and presumably incomplete) but accurate list of symptoms that people with systems will have, but people without systems won’t have?? oh man, how dare he help show borderline people that they aren’t systems and spread medically sound information on the internet /s

(via )

silverhawk:

silverhawk:

honestly? stop calling ppl ur FP without their consent. stop putting that on them without their knowledge and holding them to that high of a standard please

like…i used to do this to! i had irl friends i would call my FP without their knowledge and without their consent and holy shit that was a lot to put on them??? like unnecessarily a lot

listen if u have an FP okay fine, but. u need to make sure that person is okay with that??? like im serious a lot of people on here have this mindset that they need to hold one or a few people to an unnecessarily high standard and that that person has to be there for them and has to take care of them or something and its liiiikeeee

does that person know ur holding them to that high of a standard? did you ask that person if this was okay? is this person ACTUALLY a FP or are you just using this term bc mentally ill people on tumblr love using it so much??

like honestly i will always be critical of the way i treat people and I’ve stopped using the term FP bc it was wayyy too much to put on one person, ESPECIALLY without their prior knowledge!!

(via situsatanist)

Anonymous asked: Understandable abt the splitting jokes, what do u think are healthy ways of discussing and coping with splitting outside of a therapy setting then ?

mockiato:

beeorchids-moved-deactivated201:

treat it seriously. i have no clue why people think “stop turning splitting into a joke” means im against people venting about it.

its not funny, its not a cute symptom. its not the same as executive dysfunction or panic attack jokes where all it does it hurt yourself. splitting can hurt OTHERS and some people have the intention to worsen it for the sake of punishing someone for doing something displeasing.

a better way to tackle it would be making posts about how to handle the situation when you split. how to split without hurting others. say you need time away or just ignore them for a while while you take some time to cool down.

i’ve seen situations where time and time again, the person splits on another and the other person takes the blame because “they didn’t think about their symptoms”. ive seen people with bpd verbally abuse others after they finished splitting on them because taking responsibility for their behavior is too much work for them.

a symptom for autism is turning physical when things don’t go your way. do you think it would be wise for me to joke about how i’ll beat someone up for moving my belongings rather than make posts discussing how to fix these problems and make the environment better for myself and others.

I’d also like to add that while splitting is a disproportionate emotional response–which is a large part of what handling bpd symptoms day today involves anyway–they’re not emotions felt solely by people with bpd.

It’s harder to handle these emotional reactions due to how exaggerated they are because of bpd, but it’s still -possible-, and the same healthy coping mechanisms that would help, will still help.

It doesn’t really help to think of it like ‘how do I address splitting’ which is a huge, multifaceted and likely overwhelming task.

Instead, work on practicing mindfulness and behavior awareness. Like, what situations cause you to split on someone? What are you feeling in that moment? How do you react? Why do you react like that? How does it affect others? How can you make sure you’re not hurting yourself or others?

If it helps you, you can keep a journal for things like this. (I know I know, it feels so pointless and ridiculous! But it helps!)

For example, if your best friend needs some time alone to recharge their batteries, that’s a really common situation for someone to split. It’s likely that it’s making you feel like you don’t matter to them.

If you’d normally react by picking a fight because that gets their attention, knowing that’s how you react is enough to… not do that. To instead say you understand that they need space sometimes, and let them be.

It can really help to fill your time with something that you enjoy doing (bonus points if it’s something that fills your attention without being super demanding.) This helps keep you from just moping and stewing on your feelings.

You gotta stop thinking of it as a given that you’re going to react in certain ways because you have bpd, and instead understand that these are learned skills that you strengthen through practice with time.